A friend of mine, who is a new mom, feels like us veteran moms let her down a little. She is barely three months postpartum and is going through those crazy hormonal swings that we all have experienced. She says that we didn't tell her. She asked me to blog about all the things veteran moms don't tell their friends who are preggers with baby number one. I agreed, but I do contest: We told her, she just didn't believe us. (Or, our brains blocked out some of the particularly challenging moments and we honestly did forget. Most likely, a little of both.)
This friend, let's call her "Erica", is baffled by her body, saying things like "The baby is out, why should my hormones not be back to normal!", and gems like "I didn't think it would take SO LONG to feel like myself again." I know, I know, try to keep reading through your laughter induced tears as you remember how sleepless and haggard you were when your first born was 11 weeks old.
So, pregnant and new moms, this list is for you. If you are squeamish, skip to #8!
1. Childbirth hurts - no matter how many hippy-dippy names you give a contraction, it still hurts
2. You will bleed after delivery. For a long time. (Erica was shocked at this little truth!)
3. Stitches in your nether regions are not pleasant.
4. You will be so agog over your new little creature that you will not really care about 1-3.
5. The high wears off and you will be more tired than you have ever been in your life.
6. You will be tempted to lie to your husband after your six week checkup and tell him that you were not given the all clear.
7. When you give you husband the all clear, sex will not be the same. (But it will get better!)
8. Your body will continue to bear the telltale signs of having borne a child - stretch marks and a pooch, long after you give birth. It is nine months for your body to gestate, it is at least nine months before your body will be "fully recovered".
9. "Normal" will never be, what "normal" was before you had a baby.
10. You will never look at the world the same way once you meet your baby face to face. Every news story involving a child will evoke in you a deep compassion and empathy like you have never been capable of before.
The biggest truth about having a child, and the most difficult to explain, is this: as much as you love your husband, parents and friends, there is NO love like a mother feels for her child. It literally takes my breath away. God has surely made our capacity for love greater because we are mothers. There would be no way that a mere human could feel the depths of this maternal love without divine grace.
"Erica", I hope that I have done well by you and all the other new or pregnant moms out there! Moms, post your comments about what surprised you most about pregnancy and becoming a mom!
Lord, Thank you for the blessing of my children. Please help me each day to be the mother you desire me to be for them. Give me the grace to replace impatience with patience, frustration with kindness and gentleness, and exhaustion with energy. Send your Holy Spirit to dwell in our home and in our hearts. Amen. Mary, Holy Mother, pray for us.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
As a new mom, I agree with all of what Mama V is saying. However, having had a c-section, I cannot completely understand contractions, bleeding for a while, etc, but I can understand the pain of trying to sit up so you can see your newborn baby (or in my case, have to physically get out of bed to move myself into a wheelchair to go up two floors to see my little guy in the NICU), the nagging incision pain that lasts for months (it does decrease over time.)
ReplyDeleteThe biggest truth that Mama V talks about in the love between a mother and child is immense and indescribable until you have experienced for yourself and it brings tears to my eyes right now as I watch my little guy in his ExerSaucer (a wonderful invention btw). The only thing I would add to that is the grace that you are given in becoming a mother! The grace of patience, the grace of perseverance and calm as you watch and pray for your sick child as he spends 11 days in the NICU, followed by a week in the hospital with RSV with bouts of not breathing(scariest week of my life), the grace of being able to do things and handle things that you never dreamed you would be able to do before you had children.
Lord, thank you for the blessing of the gift of motherhood that you have given to me. Thank you for the other mothers in my life who guide and walk with me along this journey, particularly my own mom. Help me to always remember what a gift motherhood is, especially in the difficult times. Help me to love my children as You love us!
Thanks for the c-section insight Sarah! And for sharing your experience as a mom to a preemie!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything Hot Mama has said. I just have a few experiences that I would like to share.
ReplyDeleteI'm a new mom; my son is 15 weeks old. I went through labor for 13 hours and then had to have a c-section. I wanted to have him vaginally but it just wasn't meant to happen that way. I was very surprised at how fast my contractions came on and the severity of them after my water broke. I did really well and stayed calm at home and on the drive to hospital, then my water broke and contractions got stronger. I couldn't relax and let them happen. I tensed up and panicked, not a good thing. This was surprising to me. I did have the bleeding afterwards that was very unpleasant. I do have the scar to show and the pooch to cover it. I had my incision get infected and uncomfortable. It still gets bothers me once in a while.
Something that baffled me was that I lost like 35lbs right away, but at the same time, it seemed like I hadn't lost any. It was mostly water weight that came off so quickly and now I am left with a body that doesn't resemble me. I have the pooch flap that I hate and I still have like 40lbs to lose. My entire body has changed shape. I was on the heavier side when I got pregnant and I am within 5 lbs of that weight now. I can’t fit into the same things I did then. So I am working on the weight loss, using weight watchers, and realizing now that it is going to take time. So I am hoping by next summer to be in a bathing suit.
Good luck to all the other new moms out there! I sympathize with you.
Hang in there Cristy! Like I said, normal will not be the same, but you will find a new and happy normal!
ReplyDelete